Recognizing trauma in a loved one can be tricky. Not only does trauma manifest in different ways depending on the person, it’s also common for affected individuals to tend hide it and avoid having it known by others. There can be many reasons why a person might want to hide their traumatic experiences, whether it’s due feelings of shame, fear of having to discuss it, or simply wanting to forget it all. However, there are common patterns and behaviors that may indicate if someone has unresolved trauma.

1. Emotional and Behavioral Changes:

• Intense Emotions: Trauma often leads to heightened emotional responses. They may express intense and unpredictable emotions such as anger, sadness, or irritability. These emotional outbursts can seem disproportionate to the situation at hand. They might suddenly snap or get upset out of nowhere at the mention of something related to their trauma in the past.

• Avoidance: People with trauma may go to great lengths to avoid people, places, or situations that remind them of the traumatic event. Avoidance can be a coping mechanism to prevent the re-emergence of distressing memories or emotions. This avoidance can come in the form of changing the conversation topic, avoiding certain places, or avoiding certain people for no apparent reason.

• Changes in Relationships: Trauma can have a profound impact on an individual’s ability to trust, connect, and maintain healthy relationships. They may struggle with intimacy, have difficulty communicating, or express fears of vulnerability. When someone you feel like there is a wall between you and a loved one, it may not always because of an issue between you and them, but an issue between them and their past.

2. Hyperarousal/Hypervigilance:

Hyperarousal signs are common in trauma survivors and can include anxiety, being easily surprised or ‘jumpy’, having difficulty sleeping, and others. Individuals may be constantly on edge, as if they are awaiting a threat. It can also make individuals hypervigilant, always scanning their surroundings for potential threats. This intense state of alertness can prevent them from relaxing or feeling safe. For instance, someone with traumatic experiences with a boss in the past might seem overly alert and uneasy with a boss’ presence, even if said boss or work environment is completely different than in the past.

3. Physical Symptoms:

Trauma can also manifest physically with unexplained symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue, often with no apparent medical cause. These physical symptoms are the body’s way of expressing the psychological distress experienced. For example, someone who had a past trauma with the police might experience nausea, sweating, and other physical symptoms if they come across a police officer even if they’re not doing anything wrong.

4. Dissociation & Emotional Numbing:

In more severe cases, trauma survivors may experience dissociation. This is a coping mechanism where they disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, or sense of identity as a way to protect themselves from the emotional intensity of the trauma. While this symptom can be contrasted to previously discussed symptom of heightened emotions, they are two sides of the same coin. Some trauma survivors may show emotional numbness, detachment, or a disinterest in things they once enjoyed. This emotional detachment is a form of protective mechanism, a way to shield themselves from overwhelming feelings of being involved with a particular situation, activity, or person.

5. Avoidance of Talking About Trauma:

One of the clearer indications that someone has unresolved past trauma, is avoiding discussions about the traumatic event or expressing reluctance to open up about it. While we have discussed about this symptom in our previous points, avoiding topics is one of the most noticeable and common ways to see if someone has any unpleasant experience associated with said topic. They may fear re-experiencing the emotional pain associated with the trauma or worry about burdening others with their story.

It’s essential to remember that each person responds to trauma differently, and not everyone will exhibit all these signs. If you suspect someone is dealing with trauma, approach the topic carefully with empathy. If they’re comfortable enough to talk about the topic with you, you can encourage them to seek support from a mental health professional. It is crucial not to rush discussions or be too ‘insistent’ when discussing about a traumatic experience as they may feel vulnerable and sensitive. It is normal for a trauma victim to feel defensive when discussing about their past trauma. Trauma is a complex and deeply personal experience that can benefit from specialized care and understanding from loved ones.