Talking about mental health issues with a struggling loved one can be tricky. There are times you want to talk about their issues out of concern. At the same time you also want to make sure you’re not making them feel uncomfortable, or worse, feel judged or attacked. Discussing mental health issues with affected individuals can feel like walking in a minefield at times. Here are some tips on how to have conversation about mental health issues without making them feel judged or misunderstood.

Create a Safe Space

There is a time and place for everything; including talking about sensitive topics. Finding the right environment for the conversation is crucial. Choose a quiet, private space where you won’t be interrupted. Pick a time when they’re in a good mood. Ensure they feel comfortable and safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Make it clear that this is a space without judgment, where they can be open and honest.

Listen Actively

Active listening involves more than just hearing words; it’s about being fully present and engaged in the conversation. Put away distractions, maintain eye contact, and show that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say. Don’t interrupt or rush the conversation. Let them express themselves at their own pace. Active listening involves nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using verbal cues like “I see,” “I understand,” and asking follow-up questions to show that you truly listen to what they’re saying.

Use Empathetic Language

The words you choose matter. Use language that conveys empathy and understanding. Avoid judgmental statements or blame. For example, instead of saying, “You’ve been acting differently,” you might say, “I can see that you’re going through a tough time.”  Say things like, “I can imagine this must be really challenging for you” and avoid phrases that convey judgment, such as, “You shouldn’t feel this way.” Likewise, ask open-ended questions when trying to learn more about their situations. Open-ended questions encourage your loved one to share more about their feelings and experiences. These questions don’t have simple “yes” or “no” answers. They might include, “Can you tell me more about what you’re going through?” or “How does it feel on your bad days?”

Avoid Assumptions

Mental health challenges are highly individualized. While mental health issues have a common pattern, how it affects and changes a person can greatly vary. Likewise, their journey and experiences can also vary from other individuals experiencing the same issues. Avoid making assumptions about how your loved one feels or what they need. For instance, your past experiences or stories that you’ve heard about or read online might not necessarily be applicable to them. Instead of assuming what they’re going through, ask them directly. You can ask, “How has this been affecting you?” or “What kind of support do you think would be helpful?”

Offer Reassurance

Reassurance is about conveying your unconditional support. Reassure them that you’re there for them no matter what. Let them know that you deeply care about their well-being. Remind them that they don’t have to go through their struggles on their own. While they might seem indifferent to your offer to help, knowing that you’re there when they might need you in the future can provide a sense of security and comfort.

Respect Their Boundaries

Your loved one might need space or time before discussing their mental health. It’s important to respect your loved one’s boundaries. If they’re not ready to talk or share, don’t push too hard. Let them know that you’re available whenever they’re ready. Pushing too much can lead to resistance and backfire, so being patient and understanding are essential. In fact, there are times when a silent company is needed more than a barrage of questions. Asking questions about how they feel, or how you can help can sometimes create unintended pressure compared to merely being there with them in silence.

Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice

While your intentions are good, refrain from offering unsolicited advice or solutions. Unsolicited advice can sometimes be counterproductive. Instead of offering immediate solutions, focus on listening and understanding their experiences. Your loved one may just need someone to listen to at the moment. Instead of offering solutions, you can say, “I’m here to listen and support you in any way you need.” or ask to understand deeper about their feelings and what’s on their mind.

Lastly, Be Patient.

There is no accurate or set timeframe on when one’s mental health should get better or improve. It may take months to years in some cases which depend on various factors. The battle against mental health issues is a marathon and not a sprint. Keeping that in mind helps prepare you for the long haul. Ultimately, a person struggling with mental health issues is constantly battling an inner battle within their mind and heart. It’s important for us to not add to that burden and instead learn to support them the way they need to be supported, rather than being the support we want to be.