A strong support system is one of the cornerstones of mental well-being, providing us companionship, guidance, and emotional support needed to face life’s challenges. Unfortunately, many people fail to recognize the significance of a support system and lack the understanding on how to build one. Simply put, a support system consists of people who we interact with who will be there for each other in both the ups and downs in life. In a wider nuance, a support system also acts as a safety net, fostering a sense of belonging, understanding, and connection. Here are a few tips on how to build a support system:
1. Identify Potential Support System Members: Begin by identifying people in your life who know you personally, share a positive relationship with you, and are trustworthy. These are people you can turn to and confide in when facing challenges. This could include family members, friends, colleagues, or mentors. A support member doesn’t have to be someone you always get along with. Just like how we often have disagreements or conflicts with close friends, what matters is whether you believe them to sincerely care about you.
2. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity: Recognize that a support system is about quality, not quantity. Choose a few individuals whom you can rely on. While having a big network or social circle can be advantageous in life, relationships that are deep and meaningful are the ones that last. However, it’s not just how close you are but whether they possess qualities like trustworthiness, reliability, and wisdom. For instance, a person who knows when to confront us when we’re wrong are far better than someone who agrees with everything we say.
3. Build Support Across Various Life Areas: Consider spreading your support system across various life aspects. Having support members in your family, at work/school, and social circles allows you to have someone who understands you in ways that another might not be able to. Your sibling might not understand how you feel or struggle at work compared to your mentor at work, just like a friend might not be able to relate to your issues with your sibling. Different contexts bring different perspectives, making a support system stronger and more holistic.
4. Building Relationships Goes Both Ways: Building a support system is a mutual interaction. It involves not only seeking support but also being there for others. Actively engage in building relationships by interacting with your support system members. As the old saying goes, the best way to have a friend is to be one. Offer help when needed, be sincere, and foster a sense of camaraderie. Life is dynamic, and so are relationships. Adapt to changes, both in your life and the lives of your support system members. Grow together by acknowledging and celebrating each other’s achievements and supporting one another through challenges. It’s important to see friendship not as give-and-take or transactional, but to genuinely be part of the person’s support system.
5. Just like any relationship, building and maintaining a support system takes effort. Make an intentional effort to interact and do activities with your support system members. Sometimes we may not feel like it when we’re busy or not in the mood, but maintaining relationships is important. Whether it’s a simple chat over coffee or even phone calls every now and then. Take interest in the lives of those around you. No matter the nature of relationships, consistent communication is key to maintaining them.
Challenges in Building a Support System
While we’ve discussed how having a support system can be beneficial to one’s mental health, there are also challenges that may arise when trying to build a support system.
- Getting Out of the Comfort Zone: Building a support system often requires stepping out of one’s comfort zone. Initiating conversations, reaching out to others, and developing relationships can be daunting for many people. However, growth and connection only happen through crossing the line of familiarity. There is no shortcut to making new connections except by doing something new, which requires us to step out of our comfort zone.
- Opening Up and Being Vulnerable: Being vulnerable to someone can be a challenge for most people for obvious reasons. Opening up and being vulnerable means allowing ourselves to be hurt and rejected. Sharing personal struggles, fears, and emotions requires courage. However, while many people see vulnerability as a sign of weakness, when shared in the right way, it is an extremely effective tool to build trust. Overcoming the fear of judgment and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is crucial for fostering deep, meaningful relationships with others.
- Managing Conflict: In any relationship, conflict is bound to happen sooner or later. Differences in opinions, misunderstandings, or communication styles can lead to all kinds of frictions. The key is not in preventing conflict but in managing one. Unfortunately, sometimes people decide to distance themselves or give up on the relationship altogether, mistaking natural conflicts with incompatibility. What’s important is managing conflict together so that both sides can learn and grow from the conflict. Similar to vulnerability, navigating conflict well can be a great way to strengthen a relationship with others.
- Learning to Receive Support: For some, receiving support can be as challenging as giving it. Overcoming the idea of self-reliance and allowing others to be involved in their own personal life can be difficult in itself. It’s important to acknowledge that accepting support is not a sign of weakness.
While the points above seem like obstacles to overcome, they can also be seen as opportunities or ways we can effectively build rapport and trust in any relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic, or professional.
Building a support system is not only beneficial, but essential for maintaining mental well-being. The reciprocity of support between members of support system becomes pillars that keep each other standing when life challenges come our way. While conflicts may arise between members of support system, the rewards far outweigh the efforts. Prioritizing maintaining healthy relationships is one of the keys to leading a fulfilling life.