What do I do when I feel so exhausted and empty that I can't function anymore?

What do I do when I feel so exhausted and empty that I can’t function anymore?

(This post was shared with the explicit consent and approval of the questioner.)

I've always struggled with mental health issues since a young age, with depression, anxiety, and last year, I learned that I also have CPTSD from the dysfunctional household I grew up in. I'm in my 30s now and still struggle immensely, and it's affecting my physical health and progress in life and things are getting worse.

It’s been affecting my work and it's extremely difficult to hold a job for a long time. I always burn out quickly and can't function under stress, which my job always has and people in my field seem to enjoy. I feel very overwhelmed, terrified, and very empty all the time. I'm truly afraid that I have failed in life. I've always been an overachiever during my education due to the pressure and expectations by my parents, but when I moved into adulthood, I crumbled.

I read that we have to do things we enjoy to battle the stress of daily life, but I can't enjoy anything due to anhedonia and depression. I also can't afford therapy. I struggle with exhaustion, brain fog, lack of concentration, insomnia, and chronic pain in my body and joints and I was recently diagnosed with a chronic physical disorder.

Does anyone else suffer from this feeling that they can't function anymore due to not having any life left in them or feeling overwhelmed by everything, especially their job? If so, what do I do to battle it? A lot of people would say to bottle it up and keep going and that everyone struggles, but I truly feel that I can't live anymore and can't go on in life. I feel so guilty for being this way, yet I don't know what to do and I have no family or friends to talk to.

When you have a lot of baggage on your shoulders, the best place to start is by unpacking them and laying them out. You’ve done a great job identifying the various issues both mentally and physically that affect your current life negatively, from past CPTSD, depression symptoms, anhedonia, burnouts at work, a chronic disorder, brain-fog/cognitive issues, even to the lack of supportive people in your life. While it seems like a long list of challenges, in a more positive light, it also means that you have that many more actions you can take to improve your situation.

When faced with a seemingly gigantic and complex problem, one of the quickest and most effective ways to lighten the burden is to first comprehend the problem and break it down into smaller parts. When we know how past CPTSD may be related to self-induced pressure, or how a lack of support system can contribute to burnouts and depression, we start to see how each situation can have an impact on other seemingly unrelated issues. And vice versa, not all issues are connected, it’s possible that your physical symptoms or burnouts aren’t related to past trauma, which can help lighten your burden, knowing the solution to some of your issues are not dependent on another.

CPTSD from a dysfunctional household can significantly impact a person’s adulthood even when they don’t actively think about the experience. Past trauma generally causes a person to respond to certain life situations that’s associated with the trauma with heightened stress than people normally would, making a seemingly normal activity more mentally and emotionally exhausting. As you’ve touched upon, you might feel stressed and anxious when engaging in activities that reflect the quality of your performance, which can lead to burnouts if sustained. This is especially true with people with ‘helicopter parents’, who often put extra pressure on themselves, even when their parents are no longer actively involved in their life. The pressure to overachieve during a child’s life by their parents’ expectations can cause feelings of inadequacy and failure when they’re not able to meet the unrealistic high standards as an adult, causing mental exhaustion. While knowing all this won’t solve problems, understanding why things are the way they are helps us feel less lost in the situation.

It’s also important to take the time to self-reflect and try to identify any potentially neglected areas of life which may contribute to your issues ranging from social life, physical activities, quality of sleep, or even dietary/nutritional imbalances. They may seem trivial, but many people are surprised at how much things can change their mental health when they fix seemingly minor patterns such as getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, or quitting drinking. Unfortunately, these habits often get overlooked due to how inconsequential they look compared to big life problems at hand. By taking a step back, listing all the issues in life and prioritizing based on how severe or urgent each one is, you can start to take control over your life. You may start by sitting down and literally listing each issue you have. For many people, just jotting down all their issues can be a therapeutic method of making sure all their problems are recognized and acknowledged.

Once we have our list of problems down, the next hardest thing is to find a place to start. One strategy that works for a lot of individuals facing complex issues is by starting from the easiest and smallest part of a complex issue and moving on to more difficult ones. For instance, while setting realistic expectations on yourself or finding a job that’s suitable to your needs can solve your issues, managing self-expectation is neither a simple nor a quick fix. Meanwhile, managing work habits such as taking proper breaks in between work, setting realistic work deadlines, or something as simple as doing physical workouts to release stress can be done as early as tomorrow. While they might not solve the core of the problem, they are tools that help many people manage stress and prevent burnouts. Breaking down problems into manageable bits will also create a snowball effect that allows you to tackle the next problem on the list with more confidence and mental strength.

Additionally, not having someone to talk to or lacking a support system can further contribute to the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Mental health professionals always put a particular emphasis on support systems because they are crucial for mental health. People who care about us provide us emotional support, useful insights about us, and emotional outlet when we need to share our issues. Without this, managing stress and mental health issues becomes much harder than they necessarily need to. Lacking a support system or someone to discuss these issues with means you must carry all the emotional burdens alone, which if sustained, can lead to depression, as often is the case with many people.

To help with your journey, we have also sent a resources packet and various self-help tools that are useful for you and your situation. The package can provide additional guidance on building a support system, managing past trauma, and work-related burnouts.